The Trouble With Humans
by LissaM
Summary: Poor Crichton....he's sick and no humans around to comfort him....waaaahhh


Disclaimer: Yadda Yadda Yadda, they aren't mine, and Henson owns them. Which is ok by me. :)  
Rating: PG-13 (Language, some gore)  
Summary: Crichton has to deal with an unfortunate human problem and Areyn and D'Argo are faced with saving him.  
Note: This is my first Farscape Fanfic, so comments (good or bad) are greatly appreciated. You can email me at moobanjo@maine.rr.com  
Now enjoy...  
  
The Trouble with Humans  
  
Areyn and Zhaan walked down the corridor on Tier 23 and to the galley. Areyn was speaking animatedly to the Delvian.   
  
"I still don't understand your reasoning behind this. Going on a spiritual retreat for fifty arns is not my idea of a practical choice. What are you going to do? What if we need you?"  
  
The two stepped through the galley's doorway, revealing John Crichton at a table in the corner. The blue-skinned Delvian turned to Areyn, gesturing slowly.  
  
"As a former priestess, I still feel it necessary to go on a spiritual sabbatical once and a while, to cleanse my soul of impurities." She gazed at John, who sat breaking up food cubes into bits on his tray. She turned back to Areyn. "For some reason, I feel this retreat is already long overdue."  
  
Areyn gave Zhaan a smirk in response and they brought their food to where John sat. He glanced up at them.  
  
"So, Zhaan, where are you going exactly?"  
  
The Delvian replied, "I will be planet-side. That is all I will say."  
  
John humphed loudly. "Oh, thanks Zhaan, that helps, what if something happens?"  
  
"What can happen in fifty arns, John Crichton?" she answered, thinking, 'Famous last words.'  
Areyn, noticing John was merely pushing his food around on his tray, furrowed her brow. "What's the matter human, food not good enough for you?" she jested, taking a large bite of a brown cube.  
  
John laughed sarcastically. "No, it can't possibly be that, not food cubes, the essence of life!" he said, bowing before his plate. After receiving an annoyed look from the Sebacean, he answered, "Nah. I just don't feel like eating."  
  
Zhaan gasped, feigning shock. "John Crichton not hungry? Are you feeling all right?"  
  
John laughed again. "Ha ha. Funny."  
  
Areyn raised her hand and looked around, as if expecting to be called on. "Is it all right if I think it's funny?"  
  
They all laughed at that, and Crichton threw a food cube at her. She caught it and popped it into her mouth, which made them laugh even more.  
  
  
The entire crew showed up at the docking bay to see Zhaan off. She waved at the unlikely bunch and cried out, "Do not worry, we'll be back soon!" She and Rygel clambered into the pod, closing the hatch doors.   
  
As they watched the pod jet off to the purple planet below, D'Argo grumbled, "I still don't see why she had to bring that Hynerean menace with her. How he will give aide on a spiritual retreat I'll never know."  
  
"Really, D'Argo, I'm shocked. I thought you'd be happy to see him go," Areyn Sun said, smiling playfully.  
  
John punched the taller man's shoulder. "Hey, you've got a soft spot for our little friend, admit it, heh heh...ow." John clutched the right side of his lower torso. D'Argo turned his head towards him. Areyn placed a hand on Crichton's arm. "What's wrong?" she asked, worry in her eyes.  
  
John took a breath, then answered, "Nothing...it's nothing. I just got a twinge there for a second." He straightened, and began to walk down the hallway, the other two aliens flanking him.   
  
"Are you sure?" D'Argo questioned, eyeing him suspiciously. "Yeah, yeah," said Crichton, "let's go see if Pilot needs anything."   
As he strode off, Areyn and D'Argo looked at each other, shrugged, and followed the human.  
  
  
Gathered later in the control room, the crew members were fixing various parts around the deck. Areyn was tinkering with a DRD that had lost an antenna, John was attempting to repair a navigation console, and D'Argo was tackling a scanning device. Pilot was constantly in the way, lending all the help he could.  
  
"John, how do you expect to receive any energy for that console if you don't convert the output manifold?"  
  
John grumbled under his breath. "Geez, where's a good ol' AC converter when you need one?"  
  
"AC converter? What's that?" Areyn asked, puzzled.  
  
John began to explain, then stopped. "Nah, it's not worth explaining. Just some of your backwards human technology, babe."  
  
D'Argo spoke up, not looking away from his work. "Why do you so often call Areyn 'babe'? She is not an infant."  
  
"I know big guy, it's just another ex..."  
  
"Ah yes, a human expression." D'Argo's tone was that of frustration. John smiled.  
  
Areyn answered D'Argo's statement. "His 'human' expressions are never worth explaining, why do you..."  
  
"Ahh!" John cried out and doubled over the table, grabbing his side, face contorted in pain. "Oh ow, very ow," he said, gasping.  
  
D'Argo stood up and raced to his side, Areyn not far behind. D'Argo actually looked concerned as he asked, "What happened?"  
  
John, his face a mask of pain, breathed, "I don't know. God, it hurts!" he groaned, wincing in agony.  
  
Areyn grasped his shoulders, and helped him to unsteady feet. "Whatever it is, we need to get you to the infirmary now!" she said forcefully, and she and the Luxan led the limping human to the sickbay.  
  
Once at the infirmary, D'Argo propped Crichton on a table in a sitting position and held his shoulders to keep him from falling. He was breathing in short quick gasps and was still clutching the hurt area. "What is it, what is it?" he mumbled to himself, racking his brain for an answer.  
  
"You're the human, don't you know?" Areyn snapped as she felt his forehead, which was warm.  
  
John grimaced, then tried to smile. "Sorry Areyn, I'm not a doctor, just your lowly physicist. I wouldn't know the difference between..." John's eyes grew wide and his mouth hung agape. "Oh shit," he said.  
  
"What?" asked Areyn, looking into his eyes. He didn't see her, shaking his head while mumbling, "Oh shit, not now, not here, oh God..."  
  
D'Argo grabbed the human by the shoulders and shook him hard. "Tell us John, what is wrong!"  
  
John groaned. "Geez D'Argo, shake me a little harder next time, I almost didn't feel the waves of pain!" He shifted on the table, gazing disdainfully at his injury. "It's appendicitis, ok?"  
  
D'Argo began to grumble, "That helps a lot," but Areyn placed a hand on his wrist, stopping him. Composed, she said sternly, "What is appendicitis, John?"  
  
He had to answer in short bursts, because breathing was difficult. "It's an illness of the appendix...which is a small organ...here...," he pointed to the inflamed region on his torso, "...it becomes infected sometimes...with no known cause...but it will rupture if it is not removed in time...I'll probably die if that happens."  
  
D'Argo and Areyn exchanged worried looks. "But won't you die if it's taken out?" Areyn asked.  
  
John grimaced painfully. "No, ha...it has no function...it's just there, left over from whatever mammal we evolved from."  
  
"Odd," D'Argo said.  
  
"Yeah, it's a barrel of laughs, geez!" John said, as another wave of pain hit him.   
  
"I assume it has to be surgically removed?' Areyn asked, fearing the answer.  
  
"Yeah, and soon." John grimaced, and swayed a bit. "Whoa, a bit dizzy there," he said.  
  
D'Argo steadied him with a firm grip, then said, "Well, we'll have to wait until Zhaan comes back."  
  
John shook his head. "No, no...if the pain's this bad now, later might be too late." He looked up at the anxious faces. "One of you is going to have to operate," he said, realizing he might have just decreed his own death sentence.  
  
Suddenly he jumped up, ran over to a basin on the floor, and promptly threw up, his body heaving. Areyn rested her hand on his back. Once he stopped convulsing, he turned to her, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He smiled weakly. "Are you up to it Areyn?"  
  
She backed away, fear on her pale face. "Me? No, I couldn't, I..."  
  
"I'll do it," said D'Argo confidently, standing tall. John nodded. "Ok, let me think here," he said as the Luxan helped him to his feet. John was half carried back to the table, and once upon it, he lay down. "Ok, ok, um...bandages, you'll need bandages, and suturing equipment, scalpels,...ah, I might not have enough time to write it all down!"  
  
D'Argo spoke in an unnaturally soft voice. "Then you might have to tell us what to do as we go along."  
  
Areyn's panic stricken face came into view. "But that means..." She put her hand to her mouth in horror.  
  
John realized what she was getting at. "You'll have to operate while I'm awake." Areyn nodded slowly, and D'Argo bowed his head. John stared at the ceiling. "Oh shit," he said, "this is going to hurt. A lot."  
  
  
D'Argo and Areyn had walked away from Crichton's side to talk. The Sebacean watched John as he bit his lip and clenched his hands in pain. She felt so much for him, but she realized that this was going to be one of the most difficult things she ever had to do. She glanced back to D'Argo, who had been talking.  
  
"...so I'll inject the area with a local anaesthetic and then you hold him down while I operate."  
  
"Hmm? Oh yes, good." Areyn had looked back at John.  
  
D'Argo grumbled. "Look, if you want him to get better we're going to have to both be ready for whatever many happen. Are you ready, Areyn Sun?" he asked, almost as a challenge.  
  
Areyn shivered, then answered, "I'm always ready for anything." How could she reveal her true feelings to D'Argo, letting him know that she had a weakness? She could never admit to that. She could barely admit it to herself.  
  
D'Argo's face softened. "Good," he said, "then we should proceed quickly. We may not have much time."  
  
Areyn nodded, and they both moved to where Crichton lay.  
  
  
"Crichton, we're ready to begin," Areyn said softly, and lay her hand on Crichton's feverish brow.   
  
John shuddered. "Ok," he answered weakly.  
  
Areyn stood at the foot of his bed and held down his shoulders. As the big Luxan moved to make the initial cut with a small scalpel, John's head jerked off the table.  
  
"Uhh, big guy? You did give me a local, right?"  
  
D'Argo answered, "Of course. But you will still feel some pain. We couldn't administer too much or you'd zoink out on us."  
  
"That's 'zonk', D'Argo, it...oh, never mind," John said, his head falling back to the table. He looked up into Areyn's green eyes, his own piercing blue ones filled with fear. "I'm ready D'Argo, go ahead."  
  
As the knife slid into his fragile flesh, John inhaled quickly at the unexpected pain. He gripped Areyn's hand, not caring at his obvious show of wavering stability.   
  
Areyn tried to hide her concern for the human without luck. She watched as the Luxan cut open Crichton's tensed abdomen, and she gasped when the blood began to seep. She felt Crichton grip her hand and she squeezed it tightly. She looked down at their grasp, not wanting to face the surgery being done. As a Peacekeeper, she was trained to withstand the sight of blood, in all forms. She had assumed she'd be able to handle anything. But with a sickening realization she'd discovered that cutting someone open without a thought of the consequences and cutting someone open in full hopes of saving that person were two totally different things. She didn't know how D'Argo could stand it.  
  
Areyn refocused her gaze on John's face. His lips were white with pain and he was sweating lightly, but his eyes showed an enduring confidence she hadn't expected. It was almost as if he were comforting her, instead of the other way around.  
  
D'Argo finished making the first cut and got a DRD to hold the skin back in place. His tattooed brow was furrowed in concentration. "I have cut, John Crichton."  
  
"What do you see?' John's pain-filled whisper was almost too much for Areyn to bear.  
  
"Ah...much blood, I cannot see because of it."  
  
"Then mop it up. You'll need the area to be as dry as possible." D'Argo paled as much as a Luxan can, then grabbed some strips of cloth and did the best he could to sop up the blood. When he had gotten it as clear as he dared, he spoke again.   
  
"I see folds of skin, veins, arteries..."  
  
John didn't waste time with D'Argo's recount of his anatomy. "The appendix is normally the size of my pinkie..."  
  
"Your pinkie?" Areyn asked curiously.  
  
He weakly lifted his hand and moved his finger. "My smallest finger. It will have swollen, to, um, ah, a larger size, I'm not quite sure how big."  
  
D'Argo poked around the opening, looking for the organ. "I have discovered a smallish, rounded organ about twice the size of your 'pinkie'. It is white and bulbous."  
  
Crichton exhaled. "Is there anything else that could be it?"  
  
"No," D'Argo answered.  
  
"Then that must be it." John squeezed Areyn's hand again, and she squeezed back. Her mind was racing. 'I would have screamed for mercy by now,' she thought.  
  
John posed another question. "How is it attatched?" He waited in pain for a few more minutes while the Luxan discovered the answer. He busied the time with losing himself in Areyn's eyes. His own were filled with pain and grief, and hers mirrored his own.  
  
"There seems to be an artery on one side that is connected to the organ." D'Argo checked once more. "Yes, that is how it is attatched. How should we proceed in removing it?'  
  
"I...uh..." Crichton's eyelids fluttered, and he began drifting off. His jaw unhinged and his head lolled to one side.  
  
Areyn, alarmed, gently slapped his face. "Hey," she said, using an Earth term, "hey, come now John, don't 'zonk' out on us, c'mon, we haven't finished."  
  
Gradually, the human waded out of the void to which he had been heading and groaned. He gasped in agony then said breathlessly, "Cut it out. Cut it out now and sew up the artery."  
  
D'Argo wasted no time and immediately sliced the thin vein. John cried out and began to lapse once more into unconsciousness. Areyn grasped his hand and called out to him, but he was too far gone to respond. Crichton caught the words 'hemorrhaging' and 'too much' before he lost all senses completely and slipped into a blissful, pain-free oblivion.   
  
  
He came to, once, arns later, to a bright face above him and a cool hand on his forehead. He heard Areyn as she called his name, almost pleadingly. Then his strength gave out again and he was out once more.  
  
  
Areyn had been sitting by Crichton's ailing side for arns now. She wouldn't let D'Argo take a shift, almost in fear of John waking when she wasn't there. She had replayed the events after Crichton passed out over and over again in her mind, unable to escape them.  
  
She had watched in horror as the human's eyes fluttered shut, and then gazed at the blood gushing freely from the wound in his abdomen. D'Argo had been at a loss, and had frozen, needle in hand. Knowing that his life was literally in her hands, she grabbed the suturing equipment from the Luxan and pushed him aside. She deftly stitched up the artery and removed the appendix. D'Argo, who had come to his senses somewhat, lent what help he could, suctioning the excess blood from the gash.   
  
It was only when after the entire wound had been sewn shut and was only oozing blood instead of spewing did Areyn take a step back and look around. She looked down at the hands and her shirtfront. Both were stained with red, human blood. She looked at D'Argo, who was gazing at his own tainted garments. The floor was slippery and slick with so much of the human's life essence. Areyn stepped away from the table, hands to her face, not noticing she was getting his blood on her cheeks. Her mind found it hard to comprehend the carnage that her eyes were being forced to see.  
  
She then rushed to John's pale face and lay her head on his chest. There was a weak, slow heartbeat. It was faint, but it was there. She and D'Argo had gently lifted the unconscious human onto a bio-bed and wrapped his torso. Then, as the Luxan sat watching John, Areyn frantically scrubbed the table and the floor and anywhere else that the human's blood had spilt, to rid her mind of the awful events.   
  
That had been long ago, and now Areyn Sun sat, waiting for any signs of life form her prostrate companion. Except he's more than a companion to me, she thought. Ever so much more than I had hoped to find out in these uncharted territories, irreversibly contaminated.   
  
Areyn stroked the limp hair that had fallen across a pale, furrowed brow, not knowing or caring if it were her own or John's. His hand still felt warm, and every now and then his breathing would become labored, as if he were in the clutches of some mighty nightmare. She ached to rid him of his terrors in what she thought might as well be his last arns.   
  
Slowly, a solitary tear fell off a Sebacean face to a human cheek, and Areyn lay her head on Crichton's chest and cried. Sleep crept upon her eventually, against her will, and she gave up resisting the blessed darkness into which she was enveloped.   
  
  
"Areyn?"  
"Areyn?'  
  
She heard double, if that was possible. Her mind was still stuck in the depths of REM sleep. The soft voice calling her out of the night was hard to ignore. She opened her eyes to find a pair of pained, blue ones gazing at her. John had awakened, although he was still feverish and sweating, his lids at half-mast. She stared at his face, full and alive after so long of being cold and shut to the world. It might have been a microt, or a whole cycle, but she felt as if it were all the time in the universe she needed.  
  
"Areyn?" John asked again in a weak voice, confused. "What happened, after...how long has it been since...where's..."  
  
Areyn placed a finger to his lips. "Shh, no speaking now, just rest Crichton, just sleep, I'll be here when you awake."  
  
John gazed at her for a moment, then spoke again. "Why were you lying on my chest?" he asked with true bewilderment.  
  
A low, wonderful laugh escaped her lips, and she enveloped him as heartily as she dared in a great embrace. His hot breath upon her neck only reminded her of his wonderful living, breathing self, and her emotions could no longer be kept in check. She gave into her pangs of feeling and began to sob, heaving sobs that wracked her body and threatened to knock them both off the bed. She was dimly aware of a weak arm gripping her back, and rubbing her shoulder blades.  
  
She smelled his human scent, breathed in his life, reveled in his alien yet familiar magnificence. "I thought I'd lost you," she cried softly, "and I would never have been able to tell you how much...that I..."  
  
"Of how much I loved you." Crichton finished her thought, and as she stared at his face, she realized that he was not finishing her thought only, but adding his own true convictions. Areyn stroked her love's pale face, and as they gently kissed, John thought to himself, Now I could definitely get used to this.  
  
La Fin  



End file.
